In Genesis the Lord says that the sins of the father will carry unto the 3rd & 4th generations. Likewise, many Christians, myself included, subscribe to the idea of original sin (Romans 5:12-21).
Even if you’re not a Christian, this concept is noticeable to even the casual observer. My grandfather was physically & verbally abused by his father which led my grandfather to be abusive to my father and my father to grapple with this in rearing me (all things considered he did an amazing job). Likewise in the early stages of being a father & a husband, I wrestled with how to love my wife & my kids without coming across as domineering, insenstive and to some degree abusive. While I am not completely without error, I am no longer the man I was then.
Now some of that is directly tied to my heritage (and not just my father’s input either) while still some of it I feel is tied to the death that lives in all of humanity.
When we enter into relationships we bring every experience we’ve encountered to that point. All the love & hate in our world can come with us in those moments and if we’re not careful, we’ll just foster more love or more hate. At our worst we can take pain & suffering that we’ve never truly dealt with and unload it on people who are largely innocent and may not even have been alive when some of those hurts occurred. We can take the pain of a hurtful childhood, a failed marriage or a lack of a parent’s approval and expect everyone but ourselves to deal with it.
The biggest challenge though is who will stand up and say, “ENOUGH!?” The only way these cycles change is through the humility of one generation (or even two) to rail against these instincts for posterity’s sake (as well as the here & now).
How you may do that is your choice to decide, but I personally believe we are incapable of doing so apart from Christ. I believe death entered humanity through one man and grace & righteousness likewise are sustained through one man (Jesus).
All that to say, I think you can only confront these cycles of hurt with grace, mercy, compassion & love-and to that extent, I feel no one is capable of truly exhibiting this apart from a personal relationship with Christ.
The human spirit can attempt kindness, generosity, even sacrificial love, but apart from this relationship, it will always fall short. Even is I am profoundly humble, if I give beyond what any normal personal will, take more gruff than any normal person could, I still internally am self-righteous and believe I am the better person for operating with this humility. In contrast, if I am justified in Christ, my righteousness comes not through the murky waters of a tainted humanity or generational cycle. Rather it comes through the unfiltered purity of Jesus.
I will hurt. I will be hurt. Hurt people hurt people.
Yet, when I set aside my love affair with being “right” in my wife’s eyes, my kids’ eyes, my parents’ eyes, my in-laws’ eyes, my friends’ eyes-when I set aside that desire and accept a righteousness freely given by Christ, I (we) can be used to skirt the hurt, to end the cycles of “humanity” and generational neglect.
For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.
Ephesians 2:8-10 (ESV
Kara Allen
March 8, 2011 at 1:27 am
That was a very brave blog to write baby. I love you.